Can a cheater change their spots?

There are plenty of ways partners can hurt or betray one another, but if you and your partner have agreed to see one another exclusively, in a monogamous relationship, then finding out they’ve secretly been intimate with someone else can be incredibly painful.

Maybe someone's cheated on you in the past, or maybe they’ve cheated on someone else. Maybe you’ve cheated – or are thinking about cheating – and now you’re wondering if it’s built into your genetic makeup and you’re just a faulty unit.

We’ve all heard those ‘reasons and excuses’ for infidelity – even if they’re usually pretty lame – Being drunk… not realising you were ‘exclusive’… or it being an ‘accident’, for example – yeah nah, don’t even.

Sure, we all might be attracted to more than one person. And yep, every relationship has low points. But what makes someone think, ever, that the best course of action is to cheat on someone?!?!

Is it to get attention in the relationship...?

Is it a lack of empathy...?

Is it just putting their own needs above everyone else’s...?

Lots of people make mistakes in their lives and relationships are almost always complicated. But one thing that shouldn’t be complicated is being honest, with both yourself and with your partner.

If something’s not working in a relationship then it needs to be talked about. It might feel like it’s too hard or that feelings are going to get hurt – but few things hurt like being cheated on.

If someone has cheated on you, maybe you need to ask yourself (and them?) if they’re respecting you the way you should be respected and maayyyyybe you should think about that when deciding if you want to stick around or GTFOutta there.

If you’re cheating, have cheated, or are thinking about cheating, then you need to ask who you want to be, and how you want to treat the person you’re in a relationship with. If you do the maths and realise, yup, ‘I want to be a cheater!’, then do everybody a favour, mate – and GTFOutta that relationship first.

If you have relationship questions, check out 1800RESPECT.