The day my (now) girlfriend hit on me, I was drunk as a skunk. When we walked into her bedroom later, I had no idea what to do next.
This article was written by Creative Hub member Talisa G.
We’d met at her house, shared a couple of drinks, then headed out with friends.
She had been super nervous, intent on asking me out that night.
So, to calm her nerves, she had a few.
Then, she had started sharing them with me until we’d both had a fair bit.
At the end of the night, emboldened by liquid courage, she’d asked if I'd like to go home with her.
I said ‘yes’, and off we went.
Yet, as soon as we walked into her bedroom, she paused.
We were both clearly drunk.
Could either of us actually consent?
What To Know About Consent When You’re Drinking
If someone is extremely intoxicated (in other words, passed out, vomiting, slurring, incapable of communicating), sex is clearly wrong. We all know that.
They simply cannot consent, no matter what they might say or do.
But what if you’ve just had one or two? What if you’re not sure what level they’re on? What if you’ve just met them at a party and there’s a spare room nobody’s using and you’ve gotta be quick?
They’re common questions to have. And they probably feel largely unanswered to anybody relying on their inadequate school sex ed and teachers who were probably terrified of talking about sex, consent and alcohol with 14-year-olds.
The simple fact is, alcohol and drugs don’t just lower inhibitions; they can completely impact our decision-making abilities.
It affects judgement, communication, risk awareness, and the ability to read other people accurately.
As a result, there’s no ‘legal level’ to how tipsy somebody is to be absolutely sure they can consent.
Really, there’s just too many scenarios where they’re not able or capable of consenting while under the influence of alcohol.
Let’s look at how this affects real-world situations.
Scenario 1
You’re at a party. Your mates are getting rowdy.
You’ve had more than you usually would, but it's because you’re nervous.
Tonight's the night you’re going to have sex for the first time. The pressure is too much.
You see somebody you think is hot, and walk over feeling confident.
You’re joking, smiling, leaning in.
You put your hand on her leg. Then a little higher.
Suddenly, you notice she looks super uncomfortable.
What happened?
You thought you were being smooth and charming.
In reality, you were invading her space and misreading her hesitation. You didn't check for consent to take that next step. You were drunk.
The signals you thought were interest weren’t.
Alcohol doesn’t just make people less nervous.
It can affect their ability to properly read body language, tone, and boundaries. That’s what’s happened here.
The signs were all there, you just couldn’t pick up on them because of the booze.
Scenario 2
You and your partner have been sharing some drinks.
It's just the two of you, giggling, watching Heated Rivalry alone in your room.
You’re both buzzed, having fun, and you start to have sex.
Suddenly, you realise you’ve forgotten to bring protection.
Normally, this is a boundary in your relationship.
But right now, you feel good, everything is just happening a little more blurry than usual, and your judgement isn’t as good as it normally is.
So you both go ahead and do it. No questions asked.
In the moment, it feels mutual.
Yet, the intoxication has changed the quality of your decision-making and the importance you place on checking in on those boundaries.
You didn’t make the same informed choice you would have made sober, and you can’t even remember if you’d checked with them.
Consent isn’t only about willingness, it’s also about ability and capacity. Alcohol can erode both.
What Gets Missed When You Have Sex When You’re Drinking
Sex under the influence is more than just risky.
- You’re more likely to misread signals.
- Less likely to communicate clearly (check in with them).
- More likely to ignore your own boundaries and cross theirs.
- Less capable of recognising clear and informed consent.
- Can create a power imbalance between people, making it unethical or unsafe.
Top Tips About Consent When Alcohol Is Involved
Wait until you're sober to be intimate - for everybody's sake.
Sex is way better when everyone is fully present, capable and keen.
If you need to and if you can, get their details, and help them feel safe and comfortable.
If it’s appropriate, you can even help them sober up (grab some food, Powerade, water, or whatever works for them and you).
Remember, without your full ability to recognise and check consent, don’t partake.
