"My boyfriend of three months is trying to convince me to have sex with him. I do feel ready, but I don’t like the fact that he is pressuring me constantly! It makes me feel unsafe. I would happily have sex with him if he didn’t treat me this way. What should I do?"
We ask our Facebook community to send us questions. And then we ask that same community to answer those questions... Yeah, well, why make work for ourselves?!
So, what you said...
- Tagan “Feeling unsafe is not a good way to start a sexual relationship. Wait until you feel safe and don't feel pressured. This could be with the boyfriend you are with now, or it might mean you wait until you are with someone new. It is ok to say no.”
- Angus “Let him know you‘re interested but while you feel under pressure you don't feel comfortable doing the ‘no pants dance’ with him. If he doesn't get the message, he isn't the kind of guy you want to be with.”
- Lachlan “No one should be pressuring anyone. He should express the desire in a casual statement to test the waters, and if his partner doesn't reciprocate then he drops it.”
- Dominic “The short version is tell him to fu(k off, the long version is to tell him what he's doing wrong, and if he doesn’t correct his mistakes then don’t take it any further, he isn’t the kinda guy to be sleeping with. If he does correct his mistakes, wait until you feel safe to engage in sexual intercourse (couldn’t resist saying that).”
Some people said ‘wait a while…’, some said ‘get outta there now!’, but the most important message seemed to be keeping yourself safe and not feeling pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.
Maybe ask them to take the ‘Putting the pressure on for sex quiz'. If their scores aren’t great (or even if they are!) it could be time to check out Pressure for Sex – 5 Great Ways to Screw It All Up...