In high school, I was lonely. The loneliest I've ever been. Throughout most of Year 8 and 9, I would spend my recesses and lunches in a cubicle.
This article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Ned M.
It was purely because to me that was preferable to being seen alone, and people realising I didn't hang out with everyone.
It's not that I thought people didn't like me, I just had zero faith in my ability to make irl friends.
It was like being trapped in a crumbling hole with walls so weak that if I ever tried to climb out, everything would collapse and I'd just end up worse off than when I started.
In our current digital hellscape, these feelings are what our tech overlords call 'profitable’.
Their appetite for our loneliness, and our incredibly typical experience of feeling it, often leads us to seek connection online.
Looking back, I feel so lucky that I never turned to those relationships while I was in such a vulnerable state.
Not because they’re always terrible, but because of the chance the algorithms might steer me somewhere I didn’t really want to be.
Like to one of those near infinite amount of people or spaces ready to chat about the exact niche community that fits your taste:
- Rewatched the same comfort show so much that you know more words than not? There's a Discord server waiting for you.
- Think the person who rejected you is an asshole and deserves something bad to happen to them? Somebody will agree.
- Feel like all your problems meeting potential lovers would vanish if your muscles were just a bit bigger, and love losing money in supplement pyramid schemes? There are countless manosphere forums to choose from.
- Love saving water? Go join the subreddit r/Sinkpissers.
My point is that you can essentially imagine your ideal social landscape, and it probably exists... the issue? Humans naturally look for comfort and any kind of belonging over change or confrontation.
These aren't people or spaces where you’ll be pushed to change, to add the pressure necessary for growth, to have the tension and stakes to make your relationships feel real and rewarding.
Love Is In The Ethernet Cables
In a society where the existence of a relationship is often valued more than the quality of one, people often flock to the frictionless convenience of an online relationship.
But the best romantic relationships rely on the mutual acceptance of each other's true selves, not the parts limited to what you can selectively choose to share.
As opposed to having complete control over what you share online, irl dating brings unintentional mannerisms, genuine reactions, true authenticity, and inevitable body language into broad daylight.
While undoubtedly terrifying, this genuine vulnerability is human, and it’s necessary to feel a real, accepted and rewarding connection.
What If You Get Stuck Down An Online Hole?
The most important thing you can remember is that the hole isn't real.
I was evicted from my favourite cubicle when it underwent repairs, forcing me to either relocate to a much more public/noticeable bathroom or face the real world.
I joined the downball gang that day, and 7 years on, I still think those repairs are the single best thing to happen to me.
These feelings of platonic and romantic loneliness can be momentarily terrifying and instinctively push you into quick fight or flight fixes that do nothing to address the problem.
The best advice I can give is that when this happens:
- slow down your breathing
- return to the moment
- seek some kind of connection from somebody irl you trust
- and really think about the course of action that will genuinely help you.
Want more info about dealing with difficult thoughts? Read this.
