"Is it OK to date your ex’s friend?"

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We ask our Facebook community to send us questions...

Then we ask that same community to answer those questions. Yeah, well, why make work for ourselves?

The words How? Huh? What? Why? Where? Who? animated

So, the question is:

"Is it OK to date your ex’s friend?"

It's a curly one... but 'early communication' seems to be a good option. Whether it's the friends or the exes or everybody involved, the more communication the better - and the earlier the better.

The issues often seem to start because of secrecy, or somebody finding out accidentally, or way later than they wanted to. Nobody likes feeling betrayed.

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  • Geordie The real problem with this whole situation is the labelling. Like it's somehow taboo. We label them as ‘our ex', forgetting to think they're an individual person. Who are you to stand in the way of someone's happiness? Grow up and move on, because ultimately it didn't work out for you, why ruin the chance for them?
  • Bobby Yes. Your ex doesn't get a say in who you can and can't have future relationships with. That said, if you'd be uncomfortable with them dating *your* friends then maybe you should chickidy check yourself before dating their friends (nobody likes a hypocrite).
  • Hunta Really depends, but a good friend wouldn't be dating your ex without at least asking you first. That's if you value the friendship, and if they don't then they're not really your friend to begin with. The issue really lays between the friend and the ex and there are a lot of contributing factors to it. Well if you assume the relationship was serious and this was a good friend then personally I'd expect there to be mutual communication around something that could end up emotionally hurting someone I care about. It's not mandatory more of a gesture to say you value your friend.
  • Cathy Well, it depends on how the relationship ends, who ended the relationship, why you're dating you're ex's bestie, and how long it's been since the relationship ended. If you're dating the best friend only to make the ex jealous. Like if you're using the best friend to play mind games. That it not acceptable. It's a bit of a tricky scenario with a lot of ways things can end badly.
  • Marco If it happens naturally and you’re real friends, everybody involved would understand, in my humble opinion.
  • Dawn If he was a horrible human (which I'm sure she'd be aware of if my friend) I may suggest she rethink her choices otherwise date away. Glad they've both got great taste in people they want to spend time with. There's bigger fish to fry in the world.
  • Francine Honestly, yes, as long as your ex's friend and you haven't been having relations in the friendship or are being used to get back at your ex. You really can't help who you fall for. And shouldn't have to say no simply because of the fact they're your ex's friend.
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Well, it seemed like a lot of people agreed that just because someone is the friend of your ex doesn’t make it automatically a 'no go zone' – nobody 'owns' anybody, and the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

The key seems to be communicating and being respectful of everybody's feelings... who knew, huh?!

Still, break ups can be tough so if you or someone you know is having trouble dealing with a breakup check out the headspace fact sheet on dealing with breakups, visit kidshelpline.com.au, or 1800RESPECT.

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