How to move on from an ex

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We ask our Facebook community to send us questions. Then we ask that same community to answer those questions... Yeah, well, why make work for ourselves?!

#YourQuestions

‘What’s the best way to move on from an ex you still love?’

  • ‘K’ I was with my ex fiancé for almost 5 years. We split up a few months ago, and I can honestly say that I do not have feelings for him anymore. He was a complete control freak and by the end of the relationship I was so glad to get out of it! His family were even worse than him so it was a drama filled horrible 5 years I spent with the moron.
  • Natasha The best piece of advice that helped me was that the person you fell in love with is not the same person who is here today. That person is gone, and it's OK to cherish the memory, but there is no point in chasing after someone who no longer exists. And the other valuable piece of advice: NEVER COMPARE! You are going to move on, meet new people and they will be wonderful in their own way. Do not keep chasing what is in the past. The next love will be different and special and that's ok...when you're ready, and after you've learned to be happy on your own again.
  • Kimberley I don't believe there is a best way. We all deal with break ups and feelings in such different ways, for some it's easy, for others it's so much harder. But once you start to focus on yourself again it does make things better and brighter. Time heals most wounds, but as an individual you need to want to move on, not just be told to, or feel you have to - you have to want to.
  • Sarah Find yourself a new hobby. Decide on a new goal you like to achieve. Let it be all about you and just do it. This will help your self-esteem and forget about something that is over...
  • Bon Breathe in. breathe out. Left foot, then right. Wake up, live, go to sleep. Repeat all steps, and one day you'll wake up and that sore spot won't be the first thing on your mind. The next day you might not think about it at all, then the next day, you might be able to think about it without feeling the pain. It's ok to love someone you can't have, it's even ok to love someone you don't want to have as yours. Just keep on keepin' on.
  • Noah Surround yourself with friends and family, they will make you feel better and do something that keeps you occupied like exercise, it helps a lot instead of drinking and eating junk food. I found the exercise to be the best but over time go out and enjoy yourself with people and maybe in the future depending on what has happened between the two people then maybe be friends. It's still good to be friends when you have done a lot with a person that has helped you through a lot of tough times. Just give it time first.
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So, give it time, keep yourself busy, grieve if you need to, try not to obsess over memories of your ex, and then give it even more time… just don’t make it all mean there is something wrong with you. There are no hard’n’fast rules – it’s just about keeping yourself busy and happy and optimistic.

Of course, if none of that works and you need some extra help try visiting 1800RESPECT , headspace.org.au or this page on ReachOut about coping with breakups.

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