Imagine you make a move on someone you're into, and they reject you. What do you do next?
They might say something like, 'Sorry, but I have a lot going on', 'I think of you more as a friend', 'I'm worried I'm going to hurt you in the future', or even just 'I'm not interested'.
There are plenty of reasons and ways that people will say they’re not up for it , but even the most heartbreaking rejection can (and should) have a calm reaction.
If nothing else, you want to walk away with as much of your dignity, happiness and ego as you can.
Why does rejection hurt so much?
Your brain treats rejection almost like physical pain and activates the same regions in your brain as stubbing your toe, for example.
It's also an old survival response to being cut off from a group, so your brain reacts strongly to feeling unwanted.
Here's what you should and shouldn't do when you get rejected (because we all have been).
What Shouldn't You Do After Getting Rejected?
Don't call, message or visit, begging them to change their mind
When someone tells you how they’re feeling, you can't tell them they’re ‘wrong’. Be fr.
Also, repeatedly messaging someone might feel like an appropriate way of expressing your hurt, but remember that persistent unwanted contact is harassment.
Try to talk to family, friends or a professional about how you’re feeling instead.
Don't make public declarations of outrage on social media (or irl)
Partly because you won’t be doing yourself any favours, but more importantly, because it’s incredibly disrespectful and potentially hurtful to the person you’re talking about.
Don't randomly turn up at their house and demand an explanation
Can you imagine someone turning up at your house and doing this?
This is the crash out of all crash outs, and tbh it's harassment.
So, yeah, just don't.
Don't go on strike until they love you back
Overt displays of heartache might make some people feel better, but the person you’re longing for is not going to be one of them.
This isn't the movies yk.
Don't take it out on others
Nobody is to blame here.
Not you, not them, not friends.
Nobody should have to suffer or be punished for your heartache.
Don't stalk them
Definitely not.
Apart from being abusive and illegal behaviour, this is also an unacceptable way to treat a person.
Don't hate them
These things happen.
Hating them is a waste of everybody's energy.
How long does it take to get over being rejected?
There's no set timeline, but experts suggest people can start feeling noticeably better around the 11-week mark.
That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong if it takes more or less time than that.
What can speeds thing up is staying connected to people, not isolating, and giving yourself permission to feel it.
Why Do These Rejection Don'ts Actually Matter?
Some of the stuff above is pretty clearly harassment, some of it’s just a really $hitty way to treat others, and yourself.
It’s not a sign of your love, so don’t do it.
Not inside a relationship.
Not outside a relationship.
What Should You Actually Do After Getting Rejected?
Cry When You Get Rejected (If You Need To)
Feel your feelings and address your emotions.
It's important to help you process it and move on.
Socialise
Hang out with your mates, go out, touch grass.
Take your mind off it and think about something else.
Do stuff that makes you happy
Eat a lot, sleep a lot, watch a lot.
Play Xbox, PS, DS, or whatever it is that you enjoy.
Exercise
Go for a quick jog around the block, lift some weights, do a yoga routine on YouTube.
Get yourself a dose of the happy hormones you're craving.
Meet new people
Put yourself out there.
They weren't for you, but somebody else might be.
Worst case scenario, you could make a new friend.
Stay respectful
No matter what you feel about them, even if you think they weren't nice about it, rise above.
You'll remember how well you handled it, and so will everybody else.
Trust yourself to get over this in time
Yes, this feels intense right now, and a range of really full-on emotions might be flying around in your head and heart.
But play it cool, treat yourself and others well, and you will get there in time.
Sure, some of these suggestions contradict each other (e.g. sleeping a lot vs exercising, or tasting your own snot vs meeting new people) – but that’s the point, it’s about balance and variety.
This stuff hurts and sometimes friends, food, or that cutie you exchanged smiles with a few months back can provide some life anaesthetic and stop you from writing a collection of poems called The Darkness.
Is It Normal To Still Think About Someone Who Rejected You?
Yeah, that's completely normal.
Rejection messes with your sense of being wanted, so your brain tends to replay it while it processes what happened.
It usually fades with time, especially if you're keeping busy, talking to people you trust, and don't check their accounts every five minutes.
Can You Still Be Friends With Someone After They Reject You?
Sometimes, but not straight away.
Trying to be 'just friends' the day after you got rejected usually just keeps the hurt going.
Give it real time and space first, if the friendship's genuinely worth having, it'll still be there once your feelings have settled down.
