Love can be confusing. In your eyes, they are the smartest, hottest, funniest person on earth and your perfect soulmate.
And all you want is for them to understand that so you can be together. Forever!
Well, maybe it’s something like that at least.
But in their eyes (and maybe other people’s), it’s getting kinda annoying.
If you're into someone but things feel off, it may be time to back off before things get a little uncomfortable for you and them.
Here are 6 signs they may not be into you, and what you can do next.
1. Crushing hard but not getting the hint?
You know when you see someone wearing headphones and they’re rocking out like the whole world is hearing the same thing?
Yeah, that guy air-drumming, nodding to his own beat and making overly enthusiastic eye contact with anyone who’ll notice?
Mhmm, that’s kind of what people look like when they’re trying to bust moves on someone who's not into it.
When you’re struck by the love bug, you need to stay cool, take some time to find out what they’re feeling, respect that and act accordingly.
Your job is not to wear them down with your enthusiasm.
You’re not going to convince them you are their one true destiny by harassing them.
Sometimes you’ll hear lovebirds say stuff like, ‘Ngl as soon as we met we were both like, "No you're amazing" and we’ve been in love ever since'.
Now, sorry to kill the mood, but it’s a lucky coincidence when two people find each other amazing and connect like that straight away.
Ever felt like someone was making moves on you and you just avoided them rather than have the potentially devastating rejection talk?
Yeah, well, that special someone who's not responding to your messages and always seems to be busy might just be trying to avoid hurting your feelings.
Remember, crushing hard doesn’t mean pushing hard.
If they’re not vibing, don’t force it.
Chill a bit and respect what they’re trying to tell you.
2. They Physically Pull Away
You notice they keep backing away when you're near them.
You throw your arms out for a hug, and their hands stay firmly in their pockets.
You keep trying to sit next to them, but they sit somewhere else.
If they’re stepping back, don’t keep stepping in.
Respect the space, they’re trying to tell you something without saying it straight up.
That’s your cue that it’s time to back off.
3. They Shut Down Conversations
You start hypothetical conversations about having a crush on someone or falling in love, but they change the subject or talk about other people they’re into?
Awkward and a little disheartening, sure. But a good indicator that you’re overstepping their boundary or have misinterpreted how they feel.
Back it up, avoid the crash out, and just nonchalantly move on with them.
4. Handing out the rain-checks
You suggest meeting up sometime or going somewhere together, but they always seem to have a full diary or just change the subject.
If they’re constantly avoiding a catch-up up it’s almost definitely not bad timing, it’s a subtle no.
If you feel comfortable, you could ask them to be straight like ‘Are you feeling like something could happen between us or nah?’
Or it might just be time to give them some space.
5. Mixed messages
Give it a break and let them take the initiative.
But remember, even getting a message from them doesn’t suddenly mean they’ve changed their mind.
They might just be a decent and polite human being who returns messages or doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
That can be all good when it’s early days and you’re just trying to let them know you're keen. But what if something's happened between you already and you want to take things further?
How do you make sure they’re thinking the same thing?
Check in. It's as simple as that.
A simple question like ‘How are you feeling about all this?’ is a good start.
Whether it’s during a date, after a date, or hanging out on the couch together, or even among the Snaps you’ve sent them, listen carefully, make sure you understand what they’re saying, and respect how they feel, no matter how disappointing it might be.
Even if they’re keen at first, keep checking in.
People change their minds, and you’re only going to look better for asking.
Let them know you’ll only keep going, whether it’s calling them, kissing them or anything else, if they’re 100% into it.
Check out this article about consent for more on this.
6. What To Do If It Hurts
The downside to all this is you might feel a little bummed out at first.
The upsides are: you don’t stress them out, you don’t rattle yourself, and you can start getting your friendship (or whatever it is) back on track.
If it feels crap at first, remember it’s not always going to feel like this.
But you’ll eventually be ok, and it might even feel good to be the one who picked up on the signals, played it cool and acted respectfully.
Give yourself a solid pat on the back.
Getting not interested signals from someone doesn’t necessarily mean they dislike you, they might think you’re brilliant, but they just don’t want to be in a relationship with you right now.
You’ve just got to learn to let it go, even though it might feel brutal at first.
Nobody’s to blame for it not working out, not you, and especiallynot them.
So definitely don’t start sulking or getting angry.
Just back up, rethink what your relationship with this person is and be proud of yourself for taking the high road.
You just made it clear that you know and see the line.
