In a relationship and thinking about having sex for the first time? Wondering about it because it’s all your mates talk about? Or reckon you’re on this weekend? Here’s how to check in and work out if you’re ready.
Everybody is different, and however you feel about it is completely valid.
Reckon you’re ready? Sweet. Feel like you need a little more time? Not a problem.
Not sure and want to have more of a think about it? Check out these six things to check in with yourself and help work it out.
Reasons To Have Sex Now
1. You Just Want To Have Sex Not Because Of Pressure, Expectations Or FOMO
Sometimes it’s as simple as that, provided the person you have sex with is on the same page and consenting.
Sex can be fun, funny, brilliant, or even just fine.
And if you want that in your life now, well, maybe it is time.
2. You’ve Got Answers About Protection, Consent And What You’re Both Okay With
There’s more to sex than just whipping it out, checking consent, and sticking it in.
Some important questions you’ll need to cover are about protection, consent and what you’re cool with.
Check in with these questions:
- What protection are we going to use?
- How about lubrication?
- What would you like me to check consent (before and during sex)?
- Should I watch out for anything you might do that’ll show me you’re enjoying it or not enjoying it?
- Do you feel comfortable to stop if you’re not into it anymore?
- What would you be okay or not okay with?
3. You’re Curious And Keen To Explore Your Sexuality
Sex can mean different things to different people.
Apart from vaginal sex, it could be anal, oral, or whatever.
And people also experience pleasure from different things in and different ways.
Or what about if you want to hook up with somebody who is the same gender identity as you?
If you’re curious and keen, it could be the time to try.
Reasons To Wait To Have Sex
1. The Age Of Sexual Consent
The age of sexual consent includes both your ages, what state/territory you're in, and also about the power dynamic between you and the other person.
For example, someone may feel pressured into giving consent because the other person has more ‘power’ or is in a position of authority.
Check the Youth Law Australia website for the details on this.
2. You’re Feeling Pressure, Uncertainty, Or Are Unsure About Their Intentions
If you've begged someone, niggled at them, or asked over and over until they've said ‘Yes’, then you’ve pressured them. That’s not consensual.
Hold yourself back from sex until you get the hang of asking for consent.
Not sure? Take our pressure test to help you suss out if you’re putting on pressure for sex.
On the flip side, if someone has put the pressure on you, just know you can say no at any time.
If there's any pressure, it's not even sex, it’s assault.
The same goes for if you’re unsure about their intentions, if you or they aren't sober, or aren't feeling safe or respected.
And you need to make sure you're mentally in a good place when having sex.
If you're feeling good about yourself and others, you're more likely to make good choices about sex, and have good experiences.
3. You’ve Still Got Questions That Need Answers
If even after all of this, you still have questions, it’s probably a good indication you’ve got some doubt.
Maybe you’re not 100% clear on what it means to check consent, or how to consent.
It could be that you don’t feel confident buying, talking about, or using protection (like condoms).
And, really, if you still have questions that you think need answers before you have sex, it’s worthwhile hitting the brakes and seeking them out
