What do you do when you’re with that special someone… They’re right there, and you just feel… nothing?
This article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Talisa G.
Maybe you’re having a nice dinner. Maybe you’re holding hands. Maybe you’re just lying next to each other scrolling. The vibe is missing.
Oh, you’ve fallen out of love.
Maybe it feels like you’re no longer compatible or your lives have changed.
Maybe nothing really happened, but you just stopped feeling that way about them.
You might even still love them, just as a person, not romantically. Like a friend. You’re not ‘in love’ with them anymore. Love with the little L.
You get the point.
First thing you need to know. It's okay.
It's completely normal for feelings to change.
But, what do you do now?
What To Do If You Fall Out Of Love
Well, the first step in getting through this is putting down any guilt you might have for feeling this way.
There's no need to feel any guilt about this, my friend, these sorts of things just happen!
The second step? Telling them.
While it’s always okay for your feelings to change, it’s actually really important you keep this (soon-to-be ex) partner informed about your changing feelings.
I must admit, I know what it’s like to be in that awkward spot where you love them, just not like that anymore.
You might think it feels good, even a bit safer, to keep going along with it for a bit. Or you’ve justified that it’s actually nicer not to tell them right away.
But you need to trust me when I say that’s actually not the nice thing to do.
As a rule of thumb, it’s pretty much always kinder to tell someone how you’re feeling.
That way, they can be informed, understand why you might be acting a little differently, and be able to make their own choices as a result.
But… how do you tell them something that intense?
How To Tell Them You’ve Fallen Out Of Love
You’re with them, you’ve got the opportunity to say something… Now what?
Ah, well. This can be tricky.
Everyone has their own take on this, so we reached out and got your responses.
Here were our favourite answers:
From Instagram:
- Somebody commented: ‘...you could sit them down preferably in a neutral place in public, somewhere that, if it gets abusive, you can leave and there are witnesses. Establish boundaries of the convo e.g. the goal is communication not winning the argument, when I’m talking about my experience don’t interrupt with yours, hear me out first… List out ways you and the other person have tried and failed to change/fix in the relationship (If you feel like it)... And state you don’t want to pursue the relationship anymore.’
Nailed it! Communication is super important, but if it’s relevant to your situation, it’s equally important when having this conversation that you assess your safety and potential risks.
Hopefully, they’ll take it chill and understand any conversations you have are coming from a place of care, but it is super important to be aware. Big fan of doing it in person, and going to a neutral place. Spot on!
From Youtube:
- Somebody commented: ‘With your mouth, as soon as it comes up, as to not lead them on. Better to be single than to be in an unhappy relationship.’
We couldn’t agree more. It’s always better to verbally tell someone as soon as you know what your feelings are.
Again, communication is so important.
Absolutely right, better being happy single, than in a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore. Thanks to them for sharing.
Somebody else commented: ‘My ex broke up with me after saying she didn't love me for 3 months. It's not nice, it wouldn't have felt good at all if she had just told me straight up, but it would've been better than 3 months.’
Ouch. It is so important for us to have the other perspective on this.
This is such a great point when considering how to tell someone you’ve lost feelings, time is super important! Great advice.
From TikTok
- Somebody commented: ‘Communicate why u don’t feel as seen in the relationship.’
Just because this is the situation, that doesn’t absolutely mean things are over (depending on heaps of things like how long you’ve been together, your situation, etc.)
Not feeling seen is a huge reason people lose feelings. Keep that communication up, maybe things can change? Just don’t force it! Great perspective.
Our Best Advice If You’ve Fallen Out Of Love
Communication
It’s really important to just tell them how you’re feeling.
Time
Time is of the essence! I know you’ll have a lot of feelings to process, but we need to balance your partner's feelings here too. The sooner, the better.
Feelings
If you feel up for it, you can always tell them why you think you lost feelings. But don’t feel like you are obligated to. This can be important if you want to have a crack at staying together.
Location
If it feels right, take them to a neutral spot to have this conversation, it's going to be a hard chat.
Face-to-face
It’s not the absolute be all and end all, but ideally you’ll tell them in person not over a message (if it feels safe to do so).
Remember
You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason, and that’s completely okay.
