Is jealousy ever healthy in a relationship?

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Jealousy is a pretty typical feeling. But is it ever ok in a relationship? That's what somebody asked us.

Their question was: Is jealousy ever healthy in a relationship?

We wanted to get a range of answers, so we asked our online followers for their advice.

A young couple looking at a phone.

What Others Think About Relationship Jealousy

  • Nikki: I don’t think it’s healthy, but I do think it’s normal and natural. What’s healthy is talking and working through it.
  • Kitty: I think jealousy is a learned emotion and usually comes from a fear of loss. I don't believe that jealousy is healthy at all. One can envy someone, sure, but jealousy is often misrepresented as a sign of love. It isn't. It's controlling behaviour and mistrust. None of which builds a healthy relationship.
  • Luke: Jealousy and envy can be in a lot of situations. Using them as justification for doing crappy things is what is unhealthy. 
  • David: No. One shouldn't be ashamed of their own emotions, that doesn't necessarily mean the presence of a particular emotion in a relationship is healthy. 
  • Jordan: No, jealousy is a negative emotion. Acknowledge it, talk about it, then move on. This doesn't mean you can't learn things from jealousy.  
  • Patrick: Emotions can't be helped, they're part of why we're human. Acting on jealousy is what causes problems.

There were plenty of different responses, but a common theme was that if jealousy bubbled up, that can be okay.

But it’s what you do with it that counts.

A young man laying on a couch with headphones on.

How to Respond to Jealousy in a Healthy Relationship

  • Don't justify being a controlling by calling it jealousy or love.
  • Do recognise what your feels are doing and talk to your partner in a way that aims to move beyond jealousy.
  • Do remember there are infinite healthy ways to show how much someone means that don't involve crossing the line into jealousy or fear of losing them.
  • Do listen to your intuition and talk to your partner if you are experiencing doubts.

In a healthy relationship, everybody should be able to openly communicate their concerns.

If you find that you're trying to make your partner jealous, it could also be a sign that you're feeling insecure – talking to someone about this might help.

If you feel like you need to talk to someone about how your relationship is making you feel visit kidshelpline.com.au or 1800RESPECT.

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