Like many young people, I’ve previously found myself in the dreaded 'situationship': that realisation that your casual relationship has no clear labels, boundaries, or commitments, often triggering anxiety or a sense of instability.
This article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Cameron H.
Here’s some of what I’ve learnt that will hopefully help you find a definition that works for you, without feeling like you're sinking with the situation-ship.
1. WHY’S IT SO HARD TO NAME?
The term 'situationship' is deliberately vague: they’re defined by what they aren’t rather than by what they actually are.
You're not quite a couple, but you're not friends either and the difference is increasingly blurry.
So where is the magical line you cross to make things official?
The truth is that there isn't one.
Modern dating has changed significantly, and the old prescriptive pathways don't necessarily work for everyone.
Social media has expanded the ways we connect, and young people have embraced all kinds of relationships; but without clear communication, situationships can emerge even from good intentions.
There is no way to know how many hand-holds, how many hangouts without calling it a date, or how many friends you must be introduced to as ‘a mate’ before the switch flicks and you're suddenly a couple.
Having the chat is the only way to agree on what your relationship actuallyis rather than relying on an unspoken agreement.
2. WHY DO WE AVOID THE CONVERSATION?
I've learnt that we avoid it for the same reason we avoid most things: fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of wanting more than them, or of hurting them if you want less.
Fear, sometimes, of getting everything you asked for but having your feelings change down the line.
It turns out that it's common for people in situationships to make assumptions about the level of exclusivity in their arrangement, without actually discussing it.
This is how the process of defining the relationship gets transformed in our heads from a simple conversation into something much scarier.
It's easy to imagine that the moment someone asks, ‘What are we?’ they're really sliding a hundred-page contract across the table.
That every word is binding and you are legally committed to this arrangement, forever.
3. WHY IT’S LESS SCARY THAN WE THINK
In reality, relationships aren't a contract.
Defining your needs and expectations in a relationship, much like consent, is an ongoing process, not a one-time agreement.
There are no exit clauses forcing commitment if your feelings change, and no penalty fees for changing the terms when things evolve.
All relationships change: something that starts casual can become more serious, and something serious can be renegotiated to fit everyone's needs.
The things that tend to make any relationship feel good – communicating about the future, prioritising each other, and having your emotional needs met – are exactly the things that become impossible without discussing what they are.
Unfortunately, avoiding the conversation doesn't protect us and usually someone ends up more hurt than they needed to be.
Defining the relationship doesn't mean pulling out a dictionary and committing to a label.
It just means choosing an arrangement that works for both of you, built on honesty and respect.
And that's true whether you're navigating something serious, something casual, or something that's just good right now and you're not sure what to call it yet.
