Have you ever wondered what boundaries are? That word comes up lots, and it's important to know what it means.
Boundaries are about something you'll do for yourself, not something that stops somebody else from doing something.
That goes for relationships, friendships, with your parents, at work, and wherever else you can think of.
Setting boundaries means you make your choices and they make theirs.
It's that simple, but let’s break it down.
Boundaries are about your own actions, not controlling theirs
When you set boundaries in your relationships you’re saying “this is how I feel about this thing”, “this is my limit”, or “this is what helps me feel heard and respected”.
They’re all incredibly important things in any relationship.
But notice how they’re all describing things about you and not them?
That’s because a boundary doesn’t force anybody else to do something, it just lets them know what works for you.
You know when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and just want some alone time?
You might think, “it’s all feeling a bit much at the moment, so I’m going to put on my headphones, brain rot on TikTok for a bit and just recharge on my own”.
So you can see, boundaries are just about your own behaviour and choices.
Boundaries are helpful for everybody
We all want to be in healthy relationships, and healthy relationships start with healthy boundaries.
They show you care about the other person or people in the relationship, and you care about yourself.
Setting healthy boundaries helps ensure your relationship is comfortable for everybody, and gives you a clear way to check in or work out when they might not be.
That’s not to say you might not feel uncomfortable.
You might still feel jealous, challenged, or a little off, but they’re all typical things that can happen.
Boundaries give you a way to help work them out in a healthy way.
Wanna know more? Here’s our tips on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Examples of boundaries in relationships
Boundaries can apply to basically anything in your life, but here are some that come up a lot in relationships:
- How much time you want to spend together
- How often you’ll message/call/contact each other
- What is and isn’t okay sexually or intimately
- Your rights to privacy on your phone
- How you’ll chat about your feelings
But everybody feels differently about pretty much everything, and the only way to work out what is important to somebody is by talking about it.
And let’s just be clear here, boundaries aren’t deal breakers like cheating, violence and abuse.
It goes without saying that those things are never, ever okay.
