Sextiquette – DO's and DON'Ts of a good sext life


Whatever you wanna call them – rudes, noods, dic-pics, selfies or sexts – some people like sending (and receiving) flirty pics and messages. But there are smart and not-so-smart ways to ‘handle yourself’ when sending the ol’ ‘sexually explicit’ digital message!


Suss the mood

DO: make sure someone is up for that kinda message before you hit Send. Try ‘So, I'm thinking about what we could be doing if we were together right now... Wanna know/see more?’ IF you get a yes, then start on the mild side – it’s like 'phone-foreplay'. Also remember that sometimes people are going to feel like they have to say yes – for a bunch of different reasons, whether it’s because it’ll make you like them more, or ‘everyone else is doing it’ or whatever – make sure they’re actually into the idea and not just feeling pressured to go along with it.

DON’T: send anything if there is ANY suggestion they’re not into it. There's getting a ‘sexy’ message from someone you’re into when you're in the mood – and then there's getting stuff you didn't ask for that’s crossing all sorts of lines. What’s ‘sexy’ for you could be someone else's ‘gross’, ‘awkward’ or even ‘threatening af’.

Take the pressure down

DO: take the pressure test to make sure you're not being a creeper. What might feel like harmless fun to you can be seriously un-funand even feel unsafe for the person you’re hassling.

DON’T: hassle anyone to get their nude on, literally ever. Asking over and over is the perfect way to turn someone right off.

Man closing his eyes with the text BRB USING IMAGINATION above his forehead and below says SINCE NO PICS

Keep it classy

DO: let people use their imaginations. Words can be way hotter than sending pics of your junk. Asking them questions instead of telling them everything you're thinking can be a good move and means you also, like, learn something about what your sexty friend likes?!

DON’T: ever send or show other people a pic that someone has sent you. EVER. No matter how you feel about them (aka if you're pissed or been dumped) – this is ‘image-based abuse’ and is not something you want to engage in.

Man screaming NOOOOO!

Take out the trash

DO: delete any ‘intimate’ messages you’ve sent or received, and let people know when you’ve done it. It puts their mind at ease and makes you... um, a decent human?

DON’T: forget to empty your recently deleted and trash folders on your device(s). If you’re going to do it, do it right.

Walter White from Breaking Bad saying to someone on his phone that it's over

Send the right message

DO: tell anyone who tries to show you private messages or images of other people that you’re not into it (and that they probs need to read this article ASAP!).

DON'T: think that if someone forwards you a nude or a rude you should forward it to anyone else. What you should be doing is deleting it and letting the person whose photo is being forwarded know what's happening.

Know what's what

DO: do some quick reading and get familiar with some of the laws around sexting and technological abuse. Depending on your/the recipient’s age and what state/territory you’re in, sending, sharing or receiving a nude/sext can result in legal consequences – even if the images are of yourself! Just asking someone for an image inappropriately can be deemed ‘illegal harassment’. So, check out Youth Law Australia and/or the eSaftey Commissioner so you know what’s up.

DON’T: stress out that all forms of digital fun will end with you in a prison cell! As long as you and your sender/receiver are both into to it, consenting and old enough, it is possible to be safe and sexty!

If you want to know more about some of ‘the stats’ around image-based abuse visit this page on the eSafety Commissioner website. Or for general info about how to do the right thing as a young person online check out this page. For more on the best ways to handle yourself when and if you get an ‘intimate message’ from someone else, have a look at ‘Check out this nude I got!’

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