When it comes to unhealthy vs healthy relationship behaviours and attitudes, there are some clear red flags.
Whether you’re questioning things in your own relationship or someone else’s, take a look at these examples of what’s crossing and what’s respecting the line...
Crossing the line (i.e. not ok) ✗
|Respecting the line ✓|
|✗ "When they say they're not ready to bring sex into our relationship, I like to point out there are plenty of other people who would be..."||✓ "I just say, I only want to do what you’re into. It’s not hot unless we both want it!"|
|✗ "I make it clear I don't like them hanging out with those people - I don't know if they're cheating on me or just flirting - but either way I won't allow it."|
✓ “We've got our own interests and plenty of different friends, but I like that they're different to me ...it gives us more to talk about!"
|✗ "I called her a [insert offensive name here] but it was just a joke because it turns out she's slept with more people than me!"|
✓ "We've got better stuff to talk about than who we've been with before. And we’ve got way better names for each other than that kind of disrespectful crap…."
|✗ "I’ve promised I wouldn’t share their nude pics with anyone else, but they keep refusing to send me any – so the other day I just snapped a ‘shower pic’ on the sly."|
✓ "Sure, I asked, but when they said they weren’t up for sending me nudes I just let it go. If someone’s not comfortable with that kind of thing – for any reason – I’m not going to push it."
|✗ "They’re holding out on me because they think it'll keep me interested. I just say, “You can only play that game for so long before I'm outta here..."|
✓"Everybody's got their reasons and feelings about sex, and those reasons are important to them. I’m not going to try to have sex with someone who's not into it!"
|✗ "Sometimes I get so angry with them but when I yell they just say even more stupid stuff."||✓ "I don't always understand or agree with their opinions, but I'd rather be talking to them and hearing what they have to say than having a fight."|
|✗ "When they said they wanted to break up with me, I said I would hurt myself if they did.”||✓ "I asked them why they wanted to break up and if they were ok, but I also know you can’t pressure someone into changing their mind. And if I start having suicidal thoughts I need to get some immediate help with that."|
|✗ "He gets pretty pissed off if she even mentions other people, but I think he's just really into her."||✓ "Sometimes things get kind of heated between them, but I always I check in with them separately and try to give him a reality check that having friends outside a relationship is totally normal and ok. If that’s stressing him out he should talk to her or me about it."|
If you or anyone you know are experiencing behaviours that cross the line please contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) – it's anonymous, free and available 24/7. If you or anyone you know are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide please contact Lifeline or Beyond Blue.