'Man up' originally meant to man up a team or crew, as in getting people together for a common cause. What happened to change it?
But the term ended up being twisted into a put-down, to tell someone they should get over whatever fears, pain or doubts they have and harden up, on their own.
Sure, you couldsay that ‘stoicism’ and ‘self-reliance’ can be useful qualities sometimes.
But really, to be happy, healthy and contenthumans, weneed to concentrate on things like our emotional intelligence, empathy, honesty, generosity, consideration and self-respect.
There are also some serious downsides to telling someone to ignore their fear, sadness, pain or doubts. When you discourage someone from dealing with their emotions or circumstances in a positive and constructive way, there’s a risk they’ll end up becoming angry and/or depressed.
In a society that has long taken pride in ‘manning up’, Australia now has extraordinarily high rates of violence and suicide among men.
Telling each other to just ‘get over it’ discourages positive action like talking to people about how we’re feeling and what we’re going through – whether that’s with friends and family or professional help.
- Telling someone to stop crying is like putting wallpaper over a leak in the ceiling – eventually something’s going to burst.
- Advising people to ignore their sadness, loneliness, or fear is like telling someone with a broken leg to just ‘jog on’ – that injury ain't going to heal, it’s just going to get worse.
- Discouraging someone from asking questions or worrying is like ignoring warnings from a flight computer – things need to be dealt with before they go into a nose-dive’
When you see someone crying or unhappy, ask them what’s going on and see how you can help.
When you hear someone say, 'I’m not feeling so good', ask what’s up, and listen.
When a mate is struggling with stuff, be there for them.
And get other people on board, whether it's friends, family or organisations – remember, that’s the original meaning of ‘manning up’: getting people together for a common cause.
