Back at The Line headquarters, I was given a brief: ‘Respond to this audience question and write a “how-to” on asking someone out’. This is what I came up with.
This article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Talisa G.
Honestly? Even just getting this brief, my palms began to sweat a bit.
It doesn’t matter how old you get or how successful (or not successful) you are in dating, asking someone out is always, always going to be scary.
Age, gender, sexuality - doesn’t matter - it’s hard.
You face the possibility of rejection, awkwardness and a relatively high chance of embarrassment.
As you could imagine, I was pretty stumped when asked to write about it.
So, much like when I'd had a crush previously, I turned to my friends for advice.
Laughably, their advice for writing this article wasn’t dissimilar to the advice they’d given me before.
It was the same thing time and time again.
The hottest people are confident. They’re respectful. And they’re themselves.
So, how does this translate into asking someone out?Taking a quick look at my own love life, the difference is stark.
Back when I was freshly 18 and used to frequent my regular club, the decision between whether I’d give someone my number or not was down to a few simple words.
The difference between feeling respected and feeling disrespected.
Notice the difference between these two:
‘Can I buy you a drink?’ - Why, of course you can!
Versus,‘I’m buying. What are you drinking?’ - Creepy! Go away!
While the motivation behind both sentences is actually quite nice, being the offer to buy a girl (me) a drink, presumably as a conversation starter, the difference between both statements is quite clear.
In flirting, framing is everything.
‘Can I buy you a drink?’
That's a question. It allows me to respond yes or no, if I choose to.
Saying ‘I'm buying. What are you drinking?’ It feels creepy.
Why?
Because it doesn’t allow me the chance to non-awkwardly decline.
You’ve accidentally made this a confrontation.
How about this example?
‘You look beautiful, can I have your Insta?’
Versus, ‘You look beautiful, give me your Insta.’
It’s meant as a compliment, but it has accidentally come out as something hard to decline.
Now I did say before, confidence is everything.
So it does make this sometimes really confusing!
Plus, you're offering a nice thing, to buy someone a drink or to talk more on socials!
But when flirting, it’s important to know it’s always about offering a choice.
A choice for the other person to decide whether to engage or politely decline.
For example, if you were to message someone something confident and respectful, like:
‘I just wanted to say, I think you're really beautiful.’
You're non-verbally giving the other person the opportunity to accept or decline a conversation.
They may choose to say thank you, compliment you back and start a conversation.
Or, they may choose to say thank you and end the conversation there.
They’ve been nice, but they’re not opening the door to conversation, they’ve opted not to engage, and that's okay too!
Not sure how to handle rejection? Read our article through this link.
Offer choice.
Rejection can be scary, but sometimes what’s scarier is not knowing how to politely decline, especially if you’ve not been given the option to begin with.
Also, remembering to lead with a conversation can be helpful.
Be yourself, try to get to know someone, and then you can ask them for their Insta.
But remember, everyone is different.
Flirting is a deeply personal experience, and everyone wants to receive and give flirting in a different way.
It’s unique to you!
As long as you remember to be respectful, be yourself, be confident and offer choice, you’ll do great.
This article does not advocate for the consumption of alcohol.
