Despite the way most movies, TikTokers or even radio hosts present things, we can be, and often are, ‘just’ friends with people of the gender we find attractive. It’s incredibly common.
This article was updated by The Line Creative Hub member Talisa G.
Catching up doesn’t always end up in sexual tension, broken hearts, or a slow-motion make-out session in the rain.
Nah, believe it or not, being friends with someone without being attracted to them (romantically or sexually) is totally normal and really common.
You would’ve heard a bunch of claims telling you something else. We’re here to explain why they’re wrong.
Claim 1: Wouldn’t There Be Sexual Tension?
You’ve probably heard someone say something along the lines of, ‘It’s just inevitable. You’re going to want to hook up at some point. You're going to date. You’re going to fall in love.'
Except… That’s super weird?!
No one is attracted to every single person we meet, right? And no one's attracted to absolutely everyone within the gender they’re attracted to. It’s a pretty extreme generalisation.
Claim 2. Romantic Partners Would End Up Feeling Jealous, Right?
Some people seem to think you should only have one person of the gender you’re attracted to in your life, your partner.
But this idea unnecessarily limits your ability to build meaningful, fulfilling friendships.
Often, this narrative is really about jealousy. And while that can feel complicated, it’s something that can be talked about and addressed.
If there’s no trust in your relationships, or with your partner, to maintain a healthy, platonic relationship, it might point to bigger conversations that need to happen about trust, independence, and boundaries within the relationship.
At the end of the day, everyone is capable of caring about and being friends with multiple people at once, in different ways.
Read more here about getting jealous and what to do about it.
This point also ignores the many people who are attracted to more than one gender, as well as people who are gender-fluid or gender-non-conforming.
Claim 3. Can You Really Be ‘Just’ Friends?
Friendships are often treated as less important than romantic relationships. They tend to get pushed to the bottom of our priority lists once we start dating someone, but why?
Our mates play a huge role in our lives, and honestly, they often outlast romantic partners.
So why do we refer to potential friends we’re attracted to as ‘just friends’?
That wording can suggest something is missing from the friendship, as if we’ve somehow settled for less. It implies that a friendship isn’t a ‘real’ relationship, or that it’s somehow second-best.
This idea also feeds into concepts like thefriend zone, where a friendship with someone you find attractive is framed as a failure rather than a valuable connection in its own right.
And honestly, that’s a bit dog.
Why it’s okay to have friends of the gender you’re attracted to
If we think about friendships and romantic relationships as equally important, just playing different roles in our lives, it becomes much clearer that, of course, people can be friends with any gender.
So the next time you meet someone at a party who happens to be the gender you’re attracted to, don’t freak. Take a moment to think about why their gender actually matters in the first place.
You might have just found a great new mate, and it would be a shame to throw that away.
Remember to check in with your feelings and whether the way you’re acting lines up with what you believe in.
It’s also totally normal for feelings to change over time. Just like friendships can drift apart as people grow, you might also realise that romantic feelings develop later on.
If that happens, that’s okay too.
The important thing is to be open and honest with the other person.
If someone believes you’re just friends, they deserve to know if your feelings change.
But it’s absolutely possible, and really beautiful, to have friendships that start (and stay) purely platonic.
Being ‘just friends’ is healthy, normal, and often incredibly important.
