Consent before and during sex is a must. It's the only way to know for sure that everyone's feeling happy, safe and up for it.
Pillow talk about how everybody's feeling can be hot and really attractive for the person you're with.
It can just take confidence and a bit of practice.
Make it your goal for the other person to feel good and be into it!
Getting consent regularly means you know they're having as good a time as you are.
There’s something really, really important to say here.
We can't assume we know what someone wants when they are drunk, wasted, cooked, on the sesh etc etc, and in the eyes of the law, consuming alcohol or other drugs can make someone legally incapable of freely agreeing to sexual activity.
Check out the ‘Sex & Dating’ page at Youth Law Australia to see the laws in your particular state or territory.
6 Respectful Ways to Check for Consent In A Relationship
Just because every cell in your body is screaming for it does not guarantee they're feeling the same thing.
They might be, but you can't assume it.
You have to know for sure.
And here are ways for you do that.
Just Ask: ‘Can I …?’
Sometimes, the most obvious and simplest way is the best.
✨ Ask ✨
Asking things like ‘Can I kiss you?’ or ‘Is this okay?’ shows that you care about their comfort and want things to be mutual.
It’s clear, respectful, confident, and just the right thing to do.
If not, or if you're not totally convinced, then everything stops right there.
But remember, if someone is keen on one kind of sexual act with you at one time (like the week before, yesterday, or even three minutes ago) it doesn’t mean they’ll feel that way next time, or that they want to move on to a different kind of sex just because you feel like it.
Say it again now, check in regularly 🫡
Try this: ‘What turns you on?’
This is a good question to ask, but can also be difficult for some people to answer (and that’s okay!)
Not everyone is able, wants or knows what makes them feel good.
Some people are less experienced than others and are only just finding out what they like.
This can get some conversation happening, and that can lead to better sex for everybody.
Also, be prepared for it to be an ongoing conversation, at the time, during a relationship and throughout life.
Keep in mind, just because someone has a turn-on doesn’t mean they necessarily want to do that thing with you now, or next time, or even ever.
That’s okay, move on.
If they do share a turn-on, the next step (aka ongoing consent) could be something like 'Oh cool, I didn’t know that, do you want to try it sometime?'
Then keep that convo going to figure out what works for everyone involved.
Check in: ‘Do you like it when I...?’
Consent isn't a one-time thing.
Use this when the intimacy first gets started, and keep using it to check in as you go.
It is also helpful to find out what your partner likes because everyone is into different things when they're hooking up, so ask to make sure you're doing something they enjoy.
Reckon you've got all this sorted out? Take our consent quiz through this link.
Make A Suggestion: 'Want to try something new?'
If you wanna change it up, find out if they do, too.
Consent can be sexy, playful, and part of the fun.
Try, ‘Would you be into trying...?’ or ‘Have you ever thought about trying...?’
Don’t just start the gymnastics of changing position or dive into something new without checking how that sits with them.
Maybe they want to keep going with what’s happening, or aren’t so keen on what you're suggesting.
But again, that's okay, you asked.
Read The Vibe: Ask ‘How Are You Feeling?’
Things aren’t going to be the same every time you slip between the sheets, so you can't assume what happened last time is going to be what they want this time.
Body language is important, but it's not enough on its own.
If your partner seems unsure, freezes up, or stops responding, stop and quickly check in with a clear question like, ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘Do you want to keep going?’
Asking how they're feeling is a solid way to stay in tune with them.
If you ever sense something might not be quite right, check in, and if you're still unsure, stop.
‘Do You Want Me To?’ And Respect If It’s ‘No’
No one is a mind reader.
Don’t risk hurting someone by guessing or assuming, or even just wasting their time when there’s something else they'd like more.
If someone says no, slows down, or pulls away, respect it. Every time.
No always means no.
Respond with, ‘Of course that’s okay', or ‘Thanks for being honest'.
Getting consent isn’t just sexy, it helps you build more trusting, respectful, exciting, and honest connections.
🗣️🗣️ And one last very important point 🗣️🗣️
Consent is about making sure your bedtime pals feel good, from the start to the end and all the bits in the middle.
Remember, consent is ongoing, and if they wanna stop consenting at any point, that is not a big deal. Don't make it one.
