Real conversations: Let’s talk boundaries over pasta

The article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Talisa G.

It can feel confusing, scary, even complicated, knowing how to start that conversation with our partners, our mates, even our family.

Boundaries are tools we use in relationships to build trust, create respect, and recognise when something doesn’t work for someone.

We explain what boundaries are in the article through this link.

Still, knowing whatboundaries are, and how to talk about them are two very different things.

The other night, my girlfriend and I stumbled into this conversation by accident.

She was running late to our date (the Sydney trains were down as usual), and on instinct I checked her location.

We’d both shared them at a party once, and just never turned them off.

I froze. Was it ok for me to check? We’d never talked about it before.

When she arrived at the restaurant twenty minutes later, I felt awkward - maybe even a tiny bit embarrassed - to admit I still had her location.

With a very red face I asked if she was comfortable with it.

Thankfully, she had laughed and said yes, she was fine with it.

Giggling over our pasta, we realised we’d never properly had ‘the boundaries’ talk - at least beyond the clear deal breakers

You can read about some of those deal breakers in the article through this link.

But we didn't know where to start.

We both felt a little embarrassed, even though there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

With shy smiles, we looked up The Line’s Comfort Zone - to find some questions that could help us begin.

I flicked to a green card on the list.

'How do you feel about sharing passwords?'

'Love it! I need your phone password to change songs while your driving.'

'What about PDA?'

'Oh, you know I hate that, I’ll hold your hand but I really don’t like kissing in public.'

'What about you spending time with a friend I don’t like?'

'It’s my friend, not yours. I’d ask why you didn’t like them but I’d still see them.'

'Being told what to wear?'

'Maybe if you were planning an outfit specific date, like hiking.'

There were times where I didn’t know what to ask, or how to feel about what she said.

There were a lot of answers I was expecting, but there were some I wasn’t.

One thing that made it easier was this idea of a 'big but'.

It's a way to bring up a boundary you're a little worried about, but by using a positive start.

I used it to say, 'I like when you buy me flowers, but not when you insist on paying for dinner'.

Phrasing a negative into a positive made what felt like a hard conversation feel easier, lighter.

Talking boundaries can feel complicated.

But remembering it’s a conversation, not a confrontation, makes it all the more comfortable.

And that it's not just a one-off conversation, it's lots of little conversations across your whole relationship.

Boundaries change, just like what our favourite pasta does, so checking in with those little conversations over pasta (or whatever else) are super important.

It’s about learning with your partner, your mates, your family.

Defining boundaries and knowing where to start can be hard, but having a simple way to start the convo makes it so much easier.

And having it makes your relationships so much stronger.