When it comes to sex, we all want to feel good, physically, emotionally, and mentally. That’s why showing respect and making sure you’re on the same wavelength is so important.
That’s why showing respect and making sure you’re on the same wavelength is so important.
1. Respect Contraception and Safe Sex
The pressure might sound like ‘no, c'mon, condoms are the worst, it completely ruins it, I can’t feel anything!’
Don’t crash out about using condoms or other protection, it’s not okay.
Condoms aren’t just about stopping babies, they’re about looking out for each other.
No matter how you feel about condoms, they’re the safest (and cheapest) form of contraception and STI prevention.
If someone says they only want to have sex with a condom, then that’s the deal.
If you try not to use a condom, you’re pressuring that person into sex they haven’t agreed to.
Remember, respecting their choice is being a good human and a great partner
2. Check in to work out boundaries
Saying ‘We can just do other stuff that’s “not actual sex,”’ is an example of what this pressure sounds like.
Sex can mean a whole lot of things, ‘penetrative’ intercourse is not the only kind of sex someone might not be up for.
Not everyone is ready, or interested, in the same kinds of sexual experiences.
Rather than trying to steer things toward a specific act, check in with your partner.
Talk about what you and your partner do and don’t want to get into.
3. Consent is not just getting a ‘Yes’ at the beginning
The pressure might sound like, ‘But we’ve started now, we’ve gotta keep going!’
Consent means ongoing consent, not just consent at the start.
Even if things have already started, both people have to be willing, comfortable and enthusiastic from start to finish.
Ask something like, ‘Are you still enjoying this?’ or if they say they aren’t, then it’s a matter of stopping and saying ‘Of course, we don’t have to keep going’.
Remember, anyone can change their mind for whatever reason.
It’s never too late to say no.
4. Support, Don’t Pressure
The pressure can sound like:
- 'If you really loved me, you would.'
- 'If you don’t, maybe this relationship isn’t working.'
- 'If we start having sex then we’ll be a proper couple.'
Saying things like these might seem harmless, but they can make someone feel manipulated into having sex.
Emotional manipulation can make someone feel obligated to have sex, which does not mean they’re consenting.
Instead, express your feelings honestly while leaving space for their choice: ‘I’m feeling keen to hook up, but I don’t want to pressure you into it if you’re not feeling the same way’.
That creates an emotionally safe space for both people.
5. There’s no negotiation with 'No'
‘Come on, please, I really want to, let me just get you in the mood,’ is an example of this type of pressure.
Make no mistake, when someone says no, they mean no.
No is not a challenge to try and get a yes, it’s the end of that conversation.
Trying to ‘convince’ someone to change their mind can turn into pressure, even if it’s not meant that way.
If your partner isn’t in the mood, the best response is to be supportive: ‘No problem, I respect that.’
And again, just because someone hasn’t actually said the word no, doesn’t mean they’re saying yes or giving you consent.
The Keys Things to Remember About Sexual Pressure
You decide whether you want to have sex and what that sex looks like.
It’s up to your partner whether they feel the same way. It’s up to youto respect that.
