Obviously, porn is real. But is it realistic? Does it represent real life. Let’s dive into that.
So first up, yes it's real.
Somebody made it and, apart from animated or CGI porn (and some of the ‘special effects’ people who make porn employ), yes somebody actually did all that stuff you see on screen.
But that doesn't necessarily make it realistic.
Why not? Let us tell you.
That “Porn Look” - Keeping Body Expectations Real
First of all, there’s a look, right?
Porn performers often look like, well, porn performers.
They usually have certain physical characteristics and look like they spend a lot of time (and sometimes surgical help) getting and maintaining that look.
That can be reflected in their skin, their pubes, their boobs, butts, muscles and even genitals (like altered labias) are all very neat.
Now, nobody’s saying you shouldn’t look like that – it’s a look, and it’s a popular look.
If you’re into it, then knock yourself out.
It’s just that porn likes to tell us (over and over again, until we start to believe it) that “that is what sexy looks like”.
In reality, some of us are hard bodied, some of us are softer.
We come in different colours, shapes and textures – and it can all be sexy.
Does Size Matter? What’s the Norm?
Ok, next thing that really stands out about the way porn performers look – their genitals! What is up with that?!
You may or may not have noticed that most female porn performers have genitals that look like they've been designed by a plastic surgeon (which they sometimes have).
And the men, whoa, the men have insanely, shockingly, terrifyingly large penises.
And no, for anyone who’s wondering (or about to ask Google or ChatGPT), that is not average.
Where’s the communication?
Then there’s the way they communicate with each other (or don’t).
Watching porn you’d think everybody is up for sex all the time so there’s no point even asking.
It’s like they’re written by a bot that’s been told humans have sex as soon as they get near each other.
Ever seen porn performers discuss anything looking like consent? No, probably not,
And it’s a shame, because they could be showing some sexy ways to talk about sex and consent.
Through the Male Gaze: Who Is Porn Really For?
Porn also tends to see everything through the male gaze, like it’s made by men, for men, and shows what men are meant to find attractive and pleasurable.
Think about how most porn scenes end... Yep, the dude (or multiple dudes taking turns) coming all over the place. Job done.
And, weirdly, women always seem to have multiple orgasms just by giving men pleasure.
Like, by performing oral sex, getting covered in semen or having anal sex – instead of some of the more common ways women achieve orgasm, like through clitoral stimulation for example.
Even the bulk of lesbian porn online seems mostly aimed at men and their idea of how women should look, what they should do (to each other) and what they should enjoy.
When Porn Makes Aggression the Standard Scene
Another kinda weird thing about a lot of porn is that men’s communication, behaviour and actions toward women is often super aggressive and demeaning.
There’s a lot of women being ordered around, held down/pushed into position, often by multiple men.
Men in the scenes are often telling women that they’re a “slut,” “bitch” or “whore”.
Some people are into consensual dominant/submissive role-playing – that’s not really the issue here.
What’s worrying is that porn keeps telling us the standard scene in the bedroom involves men controlling, demoralising and humiliating women.
And when you keep seeing and hearing that, being told that’s how to act in the bedroom, it can impact on what you expect and do in the bedroom.
It’s also likely to start seeping into the way you think and act outside the bedroom.
There are plenty of other reasons to stop and question the values that porn portrays – pushing racist and sexist stereotypes, presenting weird (and often really unsafe) lists of sex acts to tick off during sex (first oral, then vaginal, then anal, then guy gets oral and comes somewhere on woman).
When Porn Normalises Unsafe Sex
Oh and safe sex?
Porn often shows sex without condoms and includes acts that carry a high risk of STIs.
It also tries to make some pretty dangerous things seem normal, like choking (which is actually strangling), or using body parts in ways that can lead to serious harm, like tearing or prolapsing.
Most people don’t enjoy these acts in real life, but because they see them so often in porn, they feel pressure to copy them.
Sometimes, these things happen without proper consent, which is never okay.
All of this brings us to an important point: we need to remember what porn really is, and what it isn’t.
TL;DR - Porn Is Not a Reality
Porn doesn’t define what’s normal, attractive, or desirable.
Setting aside the (pretty important!) question of why porn producers make content like this, the key thing to remember here is that porn does not portray anything like what happens normally.
Don’t let porn tell us what to look like, sound like or act like, and don’t let it dictate how we treat others.
Porn shouldn’t shape how you see yourself or treat others, because real life isn’t a scripted performance.
