Why do we set boundaries? Is it to protect others, or is it to make sure we’re feeling as comfortable as we can?
This article was written by The Line Creative Hub member Binusha P.
Establishing healthy boundaries is an important step in working out what you're comfortable with.
You might ask, ‘Aren't they supposed to prevent pain?’
Well, unfortunately, we can’t prevent all pain, whether it's emotional or physical, but boundaries help us realise when something doesn’t feel right or when a line has been crossed.
The truth is, there are many ways to establish boundaries that help you feel safe and respected within your relationship.
It’s important to know what exactly these might look like.
Boundaries Within Relationships
A common boundary set in relationships is about public displays of affection (PDA), which talks about intimacy, cuddling, kissing, even holding hands or anything else in public areas.
You might find you’re happy to hold hands with your partner in public, but not to make out or hook up.
It’s important to establish a boundary about the extent of affection you are okay with, which can help to heal trust issues or prevent tests of your boundary.
Another boundary you might come across could be about who decides what you can wear.
But that’s not a boundary, that’s just controlling.
By letting them know wearing your favourite clothes is what makes you feel good, and you don’t like being criticised for it, this helps make sure your feelings are respected, and your own self is loved.
Boundaries Within Sexual Exploration
Sharing nudes is a vulnerable and consensual act that is viewed differently according to people’s comfort zone.
You might think, ‘Is it okay to tell your partner you wouldn’t like to send naked photos of yourself due to the risks it poses?’
If it makes you uncomfortable, it is 100% worth communicating your feelings about it.
It’s always okay to let somebody know if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that something is crossing your boundary.
Setting a boundary that you don’t want to send or receive nudes from each other unless you check for consent beforehand and make sure everybody is comfortable will ensure a healthy sexual relationship.
Boundaries in Everyday Thinking
We can feel a little uncomfortable setting boundaries if we think we might offend our partner or upset them.
So, it’s important to remember that they’re about you, not them.
You can reinforce this to yourself by remembering things like:
- ‘Saying no is my right, and so is changing my mind.’
- ‘Telling them how I feel should never be a problem.’
- ‘I don’t need to feel bad about having boundaries.’
- ‘If I’ve set a boundary, it shouldn’t be tested.’
As boundaries become more normalised within romantic and sexual relationships, they will be easier to express and allow everyone to find the comfort zone that works for you!
