Pornography is a sensitive and challenging topic that many parents may prefer not to have to think about.
But with its easy access and harmful messages, pornography has become a parenting issue we can’t afford to ignore.
As young people’s key caregivers – and significant educators – parents can play an important role in efforts to support them to navigate this new reality. But how can we get parents on board?
Below are examples of ‘hooks’ that practitioners can use to engage parents on the subject of pornography and their child.
Use research about young people’s pornography access and exposure to help parents understand the prevalence of the issues. See Understanding the issues for more on this.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- pornography is incredibly accessible
- young people are exposed at high rates –nearly half (48%) of young men have seen pornography by the age of 13 and nearly half (48%) of young women by the age of 15.¹
- it can be hard for young people to avoid. Young people can see it without seeking it out
- if your child has any kind of digital device – or friends or family who have one – then they’re likely to see it.
Use research about the sorts of messages pornography conveys to help parents understand the importance of addressing their child’s exposure to pornography.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- pornography is not just images on a screen, or merely people ‘having sex’
- contemporary pornography conveys a whole range of problematic messages – about men, women, sex, pleasure, power, aggression, consent, sexuality and ethnicity
- young people need support to critique pornography’s messages and influence.
Use research about young people’s desire for more and better information about relationships and sex – and how pornography can become a default sex educator – to help parents understand the need for them to talk about these issues with their young people.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- young people want to know more about relationships and sexuality
- for many, pornography has become the most accessible form of sexuality education
- young people are looking to pornography for information – more so than to their parents, teachers or health professionals – 60% of young men and 41% of young women used pornography as a source of information about sex in the last 12 months, according to Our Watch’s research² – even though most of them know that pornography is not a useful way to learn about sex
- sex, relationships and pornography are issues parents can’t afford to ignore, because young people may find the information they want from sources that may be harmful.
Use research about young people’s access to technology and media to help parents understand how this new landscape creates unique parenting issues and challenges, including the need to talk about pornography.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- young people are growing up in a different world. Technology is shaping their environment in a whole range of significant ways
- new technologies create all sorts of exciting possibilities – for learning, exploring, creating, playing and communicating. But they also raise some new challenges for young people and for their parents – including the high rate at which young people are exposed to pornography and the kinds of messages it is conveying to them
- talking about pornography is part of parenting in the 21st century.
To motivate parents to talk with their children about pornography, draw on parents’ desire for their children to have relationships– either now or in the future – that are safe, respectful, mutual and consenting.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- when young people learn about sex – or have their sexuality shaped – through pornography, it can undermine their capacity to have respectful relationships
- you can help your child successfully navigate this challenge by supporting them to critique the messages conveyed through pornography and aspire to relationships that are safe, respectful, mutual and consenting.
Feeling ill-equipped to talk about pornography with their young person can be a major barrier for parents. Use the information and resources provided here to encourage parents to understand what they can do to feel better equipped and supported.
You might engage parents in this conversation by sharing that:
- talking about pornography with your child may feel challenging and confronting, but don’t let that stop you
- there are things you can do to help you feel equipped
- you are a very important person in your child’s life and there are good reasons not to ignore this issue – or to leave it to someone else
- use the resources available here to help you feel ready to parent about pornography.
References
¹ Our Watch (2020). Background paper: Pornography, young people and preventing violence against women.
² Our Watch (2020), see note 1.