Consent before AND during any sexy contact is a must – how else can we know if our sexy time pals are feeling happy and safe?
Learning to talk about how you’re both feeling can also be heaps hot – an added bonus! Use our 6 handy and really sexy ways to do consent chats.
You should WANT everyone to feel good and be into it. And you can’t know if they’re feeling it unless you’re getting consent on the reg.
1. Do you wanna do sexy stuff?
Even if you’re heating up, that doesn’t mean they want to get down and dirty too.
Don’t stress though, there is a super easy way to find out if they’re keen that doesn't involve trying to read their mind. Are you ready for it?!?!? Just ask if they are feeling like doing a sexy thing with you! If they are, then cool, and if not (or if you are unsure) then everything stops right here m8s.
But remember, someone being keen to do The Thing with you at the start doesn’t mean they’ll feel that way in 5 mins (or even 30 seconds)! You gotta check in on the reg.
2. What turns you on?
This is a good one to bust out before you jump in bed. It reveals the things that you could say or do to make the other person feel super comfortable and ~very good~. This hot way of starting the consent train means you get under the covers with their turn-ons in mind = sex that’s better for everybody!
Just cos someone has a turn on doesn’t mean they necessarily want to do that thing with you now, or next time… or ever. And that’s a-ok.
If they do share a turn on, the next step (aka ongoing consent!) could be something like “Oh cool, I didn’t know that. Do you want to try it sometime?” and then keep that convo going to figure out what works for everyone involved.
HOT TIP: if you are asking over text, keep in mind the dos and don’ts of sexting!
3. Do you like it when I…?
Use this when you first start up your sexy time and keep using it to check in as you go.
It is also helpful to find out what your partner likes because everyone is into different things when they bump and grind, so ask to make sure you’re not grinding the wrong bump!
4. Do you want to try…?
If you wanna change it up, find out if they do too. Don’t just start the gymnastics of changing posi or dive into something new without checking how that sits with them.
Maybe they want to carry on with what’s already happening, or aren’t keen on the thing you feel should come next – can’t know unless you suss it with a ‘Do you want to try…?’
Just because someone said yep to one thing (e.g. making out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yep to any other thing (e.g. taking tops off). Unless you’re communicating, what YOU think is the “obvious” next step won’t necessarily be what’s on THEIR mind.
5. How you feeling?
Things aren’t going to be the same every time you slip between the sheets, so you can't assume what happened last time is going to be what they want this time. Asking how your sexy times partner is feeling is a solid way to stay in tune with their reactions, happy place and comfort zone.
If you ever sense something might not be quite right, check in – and if you're still unsure, then stop.
6. Do you want me to…?
No one is a mind reader! So, don’t risk hurting someone by guessing or assuming (or even just waste their time when there’s something they want more). We’re getting out of breath saying it buuuut: JUST ASK!
TL;DR: consent is about making sure your bedtime pals feel GOOD, from the start to the end and all the bits in the middle.
Remember consent is ongoing and your sexy times partner can stop consenting at any point.
To make sure you're on the right side of the line, take our pressure test.
If you don’t care what they want and how they’re feeling, then tbh the only person you should be having sex with is yourself. Hard truths.