Consent before AND during the BOOM-CHUKKA-WOW-WOW is a must – it's the only way to know for sure that everyone's feeling happy, safe and up for it...
Pillow-talk about how everybody's feeling can be totally hot, it just takes confidence and - here's the best bit - plenty of practice. Check out our 6 pointers on how to do consent chats 'sexy'.
Make it your goal for them to feel good and be into it - getting consent on the reg means you know they're having as good a time as you are.
1. So... you wanna do sexy stuff?
Just because every cell in your body is screaming "Hot damn!" does NOT guarantee they're feeling the same thing. They might be, but you can't assume it - you GOT to know for sure.
And how do you do that? Are you ready for it?!?!? Take a seat before reading on...
And then, if they are, cool. If not (or if you're not totally convinced) then everything stops right here.
But remember, someone being keen to do The Thing with you at one time (e.g. the week before, yesterday or three minutes ago) doesn’t mean they’ll feel that way in 5 mins (or even 30 seconds)! Say it again now: Check in on the reg!
2. What turns you on?
This is a good one to bust out before you jump in the sack. It gives you an idea of stuff you could do or say to make them super comfortable and ~very, very gooood~. This hot way of starting the consent train means you get under the covers with their turn-ons in mind, and that = better sex for everybody!
Keep in mind, just cos someone has a turn-on doesn’t mean they necessarily want to do that thing with you now, or next time… or ever. And that’s ok, move on.
If they do share a turn-on, the next step (aka ongoing consent!) could be something like “Oh cool, I didn’t know that. You want to try it sometime?” and then keep that convo going to figure out what works for everyone involved.
HOT TIP: if you're asking over text, keep in mind the dos and don’ts of sexting!
3. Do you like it when I…?
Use this when you first start up your sexy time and keep using it to check in as you go.
It is also helpful to find out what your partner likes because everyone is into different things when they bump and grind, so ask to make sure you’re not grinding the wrong bump!
4. Do you want to try…?
If you wanna change it up, find out if they do too. Don’t just start the gymnastics of changing posi or dive into something new without checking how that sits (or stands) with them.
Maybe they want to keep going with what’s happening, or aren’t so keen on what you're suggesting – but again, that's ok - you asked, you're a rockstar!
5. How you feeling?
Things aren’t going to be the same every time you slip between the sheets, so you can't assume what happened last time is going to be what they want this time. Asking how theiy're feeling is a solid way to stay in tune with them.
If you ever sense something might not be quite right, check in – and if you're still unsure, then stop.
6. Do you want me to…?
No one is a mind reader! So, don’t risk hurting someone by guessing or assuming (or even just waste their time when there’s something else they'd like more). We’re getting out of breath saying it buuuut: JUST ASK!
TL;DR: consent is about making sure your bedtime pals feel GOOD, from the start to the end and all the bits in the middle.
Remember consent is ongoing and if they wanna stop consenting at any point, that is not a big deal - don't make it one.
To be sure you're on the right side of the line, take our pressure test.