You asked us, so we asked our The Line community. Here are some of the highlights – you can read all the advice on Facebook. 

We had some pretty consistent feedback on this one, interesting... 

  • Bobby: Coercion. Someone who uses emotions to get you do things that you didn't want to do. e.g. Taking out their aggression on you or guilt tripping you until you do whatever it is they want. Sucks especially hard because it's so easy to blame yourself for it… 
  • Isaac:Manipulation, control; like controlling who they talk too and telling them they cannot talk to particular people, controlling who they hang around 
  • Ash:Jealousy/controlling is definitely my biggest red flag. If it's getting to the point where they're trying to keep you from talking to any of your friends, or anyone you know… then that's a problem. 
  • Nakita:I think a huge red flag that seems to be overlooked is breach of privacy. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean your right to privacy can be taken away 
  • Sarah:definitely manipulation because it often is hard to detect, and occasionally the manipulator doesn't fully know the damage that they are causing through their actions  
  • Casey:When they say you take things to heart, it's a form of manipulation. Makes you feel as if you are in the wrong even though it's not the case. 
  • Holly:Lying, and manipulation of your feelings, such as being told you are being irrational for questioning red-flag issues like hiding what’s on their phone or being told that they are jealous of you being friends with certain people  
  • Crystal:So many! Control I'd have to say is significant. No one who cares for you will try to control you. The other is a fast pace and quick ultimatums (you know, like "I've spent two days with you now you should tell me you love me and want to be with me"), and guilt trips

It seems pretty clear that a healthy relationship MUST include independence, respect and the right to both be equally heard.  

Don't forget to ask questions, listen to each other and legit put effort into understanding YOUR OWN emotions and sorting some of that shit out, ya know!