#yourquestions

We ask our Facebook community to send us questions. Then we ask that same community to answer those questions... yeah, well, why make work for ourselves?!

"Is it OK to date your ex’s friend?"

Here are some of the top answers – you can read all the advice on the Facebook post. 

  • [Geordie]: The real problem with this whole situation is the labelling. Like it's somehow taboo. We label them as ex's forgetting to think they're an individual person aside from "oh, that's so&so's ex.". Who are you to stand in the way of someone's happiness? Grow up and move on, because ultimately it didn't work out for you, why ruin the chance for them?
  • [Bobby]: Yes. Your ex doesn't get a say in who you can and can't have future relationships with. That said. If you would be uncomfortable with them dating your friends then maybe you should chickidy check yourself before dating their friends (nobody likes a hypocrite)
  • [Hunta]: Really depends, but a good friend wouldn't be dating your ex without at least asking you first. That's if you value the friendship, and if they don't then they're not really your friend to begin with. The issue really lays between the friend and the ex and there are a lot of contributing factors to it. Well if you assume the relationship was serious and this was a good friend then personally I'd expect there to be mutual communication around something that could end up emotionally hurting someone I care about. It's not mandatory more of a gesture to say you value your friend.
  • [Cathy]: Well, it depends on how the relationship ends, who ended the relationship, why you're dating you're ex's bestie, and how long it's been since the relationship ended. If you're dating the best friend only to make the ex jealous. Like if you're using the best friend to play mind games. That it not acceptable. It's a bit of a tricky scenario with a lot of ways things can end badly
  • [Marco]: If it happens naturally and your real friends everybody involve would understand my humble opinion.
  • [Dawn]: If he was a horrible human (which I'm sure she'd be aware of if my friend) I may suggest she rethink her choices otherwise date away. Glad they've both got great taste in people they want to spend time with. There's bigger fish to fry in the world.
  • [Kalist]: I'd appreciate it if I was asked. My ex said she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and ended up, a month or two later, dating a friend I had introduced her to. After that, she wouldn't even talk to me, and more or less isolated me from that whole friend group. I know that they're happy now, and I'm glad, they're both good people, but things like that can really sting, and I'd want to be able to feel happy for them, without having to have that pain.
  • [Francine]: Honestly, yes, as long as your ex's friend and you haven't been having relations in the friendship or are being used to get back at your ex. You really can't help who you fall for. And shouldn't have to say no simply because of the fact they're your ex's friend.

So, the CONSENSUS IS that decent humans should communicate with the ex to give them the heads up. The ex, the friend or both of you could do this. Because really, you’d probs want the heads up, right? (Ps. that’s empathy right there)

At the same time, everyone generally agreed that just because someone is the friend of your ex doesn’t make it automatically a no – cos you simply can’t help who you fall for.

If you’re still feeling pretty down about your ex, try reading our piece on letting go and tips for moving on.

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