Do you find yourself feeling jealous and angry -- and like you need to tell your partner what to do to "fix" this?  

As we’ve talked about before, thinking and feeling jealous and controlling stuff isn’t cool. If the thoughts are shitty, the action will probs be shitty too – and then everyone will feel shitty.  

So keep reading for some hot tips on dealing with these thoughts PRODUCTIVELY! 

Shitty relationship thoughts may look like 

  • Feeling jealous that your partner is spending time with certain people or going out without you  

  • Wanting your partner to give you constant updates when they're not with you 

  • Getting angry if your partner doesn't do what you want, or wants to do something different to you 

  • Thinking they need to change and then your bad behaviour would go away 

1. Take a time out: mindfulness  

Mindfulness is about taking a breather, sorting your thoughts and getting a bit clearer in your head. It helps you take a step back so that you can focus on the facts rather than on the fuzz. 

This helps jealousy, anger or controlling thoughts to slow down and gives you the brain-space to clear your mind and chill out a bit.  

Before you get cracking, you can watch this video explaining mindfulness. 

The 5,4,3,2,1 game 

Take deep breaths and think of: 

  • 5 things that you can see 

  • 4 things you can feel 

  • 3 things you can hear 

  • 2 things you can smell 

  • 1 thing you can taste 

Mindful breathing  

Get comfy! Sit or lie down, whatever works, and breath in for 2 seconds then out for 2 seconds. Repeat. Repeat again. Another time. And again… 

Keep going til you feel things slow down. Your mind will wander, which is normal. When you notice this, just go oh crap and focus back on breathing. 

Also try Headspace’s app that talks you through these mindfulness tricks (plus heaps more). 

2. T
alk to your partner  

Easier said than done, we know. Talking can be hard to get started. BUT sometimes hard stuff is necessary – and yep, this is one of those times. So give it a go.

The goal of the convo should be that you end up better able to recognise and manage your own (shitty) thoughts – it’s not about talking to convince your partner to do what you want, justify the shitty thoughts or actions, or even just for you to apologise but not move towards any change. 

So, how to get the convo going?? When you’ve done a bit of a shitty thing, a good convo start has 4 key bits. You gotta: 

  • Apologise 

  • Take responsibility for your actions 

  • Label the issue 

  • Have their consent to have a ~deep~ convo 

This could look like… 

  • Hey, I’ve felt jealous a few times lately and I want to not feel that way or make you feel shit either. I’m sorry I do that. Can we talk about it? 

  • I don’t want to speak or react to you the way I did. I think talking about it would help. Are you happy to talk? 

  • I get all controlling when I feel stressed about our relationship. It hurts you and I’m sorry. Can we talk it out? 

3. Reach out 

Still thinking some shitty things? It’s time to reach out and find the right support.